Why is it that women can all talk at once and hear what is being said? Why is it that men can step over the dirty socks on the floor and not even see them? Why is it that a woman must dust the living room before she can relax in it? And why, oh why, my husband laments, do women have to unload their day each evening on an already tired partner!
The answer goes back to our ancient ancestors when we were programmed by our DNA to be hunters and gatherers. For the most part, men were the hunters, having a single focus: to find and bring home food, usually a moving animal. The women were programmed to hunt and gather berries, roots, herbs, cook on a fire, tend the children, prepare the animal skins for use, and other chores. In other words, their focus was multi faceted or diffuse.
Today, thousands of years later, we still have the same DNA: women have diffuse focus, men have single focus. As John Gray put it: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus! Or, “Viva la difference!” This difference is so basic and yet drives both sexes to distraction! Men can’t understand why their women friends and partners all talk at once, and yet seem to get the gist of all conversations. Women don’t get why men can’t listen.
The solution to this conundrum is simple but hard to put into practice: understanding. We each need to understand and honor how the other communicates AND listens. Men are excellent listeners if talked to in a manner in which they CAN listen and women can also be good listeners if they remember not to interrupt their male companion in the same way they would a female friend.
At the end of the day, men may or may not choose to talk to their female partners, as their processing goes on internally and they are singularly focused, and made to SOLVE a problem or issue. Females are exquisitely tuned to their environment taking in, or gathering if you will, all day long, cues from that environment from conversations to events to things they have read or thought. At the end of their day, they want to unload what they have gathered, seeking only to be heard, no solutions needed. If not given that chance, things build up inside of them and often find their way out in inappropriate ways, like anger. Men on the other hand, almost always will process things internally, bringing them out in the open only when they feel they have the solution. And their attention will be focused on that problem until they DO solve it, often shutting out their partners need for communication.
Many of you may be wondering why this is related to feng shui. In our training at FSIA, we were taught these differences and continue to study the scientific data that affect our environment and interpersonal relationships. Feng Shui is employed to improve lives, to improve relationships, and it is only in understanding such nuances as I have delineated this month that we can truly make lasting positive changes. There are several feng shui solutions to communication from the shape of a table, to the way people are juxtaposed in a conversational area. Be sure to consult a professional feng shui practitioner in your area if communication is an issue. In addition, you can use the Simply Color blue spray to enhance communication and communication skills or use the Simply Feng shui Love and Passion spray which will help with communicating with an intimate partner.