HIS-story, HER-story and the BACK-story

Bleeding Hearts

One thing I love to hear are people’s life stories. I once started a book on women’s stories but it lost its energy due to the overwhelming energies in my own life and never got picked up again. Someone wiser than I and a better writer than I will do it and meanwhile, I continue to be fascinated with the uniqueness of people’s valiant struggles and how creative so many are in overcoming obstacles. Those people are such inspirational figures and have taught me so much.

One of the common obstacles we each face is in the area of forgiveness. This can range from a small slight to a huge burden such as assault, abandonment, abuse, and other horrendous issues. Still, the challenge to us is the same: to forgive the offender while not condoning the offense, and bringing some measure of peace back to our lives while releasing our need to cling to our righteous anger at being victimized.

I’ve written quite a bit about forgiveness over the years. If it’s true that we teach what we need to know, it might also be true that we write what we need to hear. In my case, I know this to be true. I am one of those who has experienced “righteous anger” for everything from someone who steals my parking place to much bigger human interaction situations.

In the interest of anonymity, I will not mention specifics but be assured that my life has been filled with these incidents. It would seem one of my big life lessons has to do with learning how to truly forgive.

Over 30 years ago I experienced one of my forgiveness lessons and was in so much emotional pain over the betrayal of a friend that my Mother, who rarely said anything in the form of advice, quoted Mark Twain who wisely said “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

She also said, “Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels.” This quote is attributed to Fannie Brice but there is some discussion around where it originated. Regardless, there is truth in this quote and in my case, with those two quotes ringing in my ears, I was able to release my anger and hurt over time and even reached a place of forgiveness. It was not easy. It took time. But I also realized that holding a grudge or hanging on to my firm belief that I was “done wrong” by a trusted friend was hurting me and not affecting the offender in any way.

So this is my HER-story: I was wronged. I hurt. I suffered. I floundered in the land of not understanding why this happened. I hurt and suffered some more. But slowly, by repeating those quotes and understanding the wisdom in them, I was able to move from being crushed to flying free.

The reason I am writing this is because I see some of my loved ones suffering from being hurt. They didn’t deserve this. But there is some learning in these experiences that will expand their being and their awareness and their consciousness that will benefit them in the long run. For me, I am much better at forgiving. I understand the boundary between forgiving and condoning. “Love the sinner but not the sin” is a quote that I understand and live by.

People who hurt others are hurting within themselves. They need healing too: perhaps more than we who are victimized by them. Their HIS-story and HER-story almost always have a BACK story that include horrid things that have happened to them.

I’ve learned that praying for others is a powerful action. I’ve learned that holding onto a grudge and my anger does nothing for me and does not affect the offender in any way. I’ve learned that in every case there is a lesson for me in there somewhere if I but take the time to explore it.

Here is a small almost silly example from my own life: Last week I was just about to pull into a parking space near the door of the store I was going to. All of sudden out of nowhere, this young woman does a quick U-turn and pulls into it, almost hitting me in her manoeuver. (Anyone ever see Fried Green Tomatoes? “TOWANDA” came to mind!)

I was startled, and then I was mad. How could she? She is young and I am obviously not and she can walk, darn it, and I limp, so come on….where is the fairness here?

Well, first I remembered that I can always use the exercise and even often park far away just so I can get the extra steps in. Second, I remembered the days when I was young and under so much time stress and thought maybe she was so harried that she needed that extra time that that space afforded her and after all, I was not in a hurry and the extra steps would serve me.

Next, I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer for her, parked far away, and walked to the store. I had a delightful encounter with the wonderful cashier. As I walked out of the store with a smile on my face, I realized I had not thought again of the incident and was actually surprised that I hadn’t and that by releasing it so quickly I was able to then enter into a pleasant exchange with the cashier, making both of our days better. And hopefully that young woman who was in such a hurry can find some peace in her life so she is not living in such a harried fashion. Been there, and it’s not good.

As I said, this is almost a silly example, but it does give you an idea of what forgiveness can do in releasing us from the burden of carrying anger over a wrongdoing.

I’d love to hear from you ways you have released your own anger in order to free you from carrying a grudge around. Those grudges get heavier with every day don’t they…..

There is a lot to be said for moving on. Staying stuck in the past gets us nowhere, but releasing and moving on opens up limitless possibilities.

Take it from one who knows. And one who spent too many years stuck in her righteous anger. Move on. And live a wonderful life free from anger and finger pointing. You won’t believe how much better you will feel!

The Two Magical Colors of March: Green and Gold

Detail from Indian Sari, Great Thaar Desert, photographed by Diantha Harris

(Originally published in Conscious Design Ezine for March 2017)

In this month of leprechauns and rainbows, two colors seem to emerge that represent this month of March: gold and green. Green is of course the signature color of St. Patrick and leprechauns, whereas gold is that color we seek at the end of the Rainbow! So let us take a moment to explore these two happy colors that accompany the anticipation of spring.

Green is, of course, the color we most associate with nature. It represents growth, life force, and movement forward. It is also the color of the heart center and is the fulcrum in our body’s energy system. There are three warm color centers below the heart (red/base, orange/sacral, yellow/solar plexus) and three cool color centers above it (blue/throat, indigo/third eye, purple/crown). It is from the heart that we seek to live our lives, but we often get pulled upward and live in our heads, or downward and live in our bodies. Still, it is a worthwhile effort to settle into living from our hearts for when we do, we can more easily assimilate our mission in life and live out our life’s purpose.

The challenge side of green is envy. When green is out of balance it can cause us to have feelings of envy and jealousy. It can cause us to be inflexible and bitter. It can cause us to waver off our path and be distracted from our purpose.

To keep a color in balance you can wear it, eat it, see it, smell it (essential oils), or hold it. Green is easy as it is readily available in all these ways. A nice green oil is cedar, which will also keep your space smelling fresh and clean.

 

Gold is a color that lies between our sacral center (orange) and solar plexus (yellow) and so contains both of those colors in its makeup. Orange contains yellow and red so we have a heavy dose of yellow in gold along with a dash of red. Yellow is the color of happiness but gold is the color of deep joy. Yellow is also the color of the ego while gold is the color of our soul’s purpose. Red is the color of energy and passion while gold is the color of dedication to our soul’s reason for being as it brings the energy in to fulfill that purpose.

Gold is the area of the body, which, in color therapy, we refer to as the Dan Tien or center of the body. It is that area that holds the treasure of who we are in the very depths of our being. It is the “gold” or treasure of who we are.

In the gold is our worth, our value. It is indeed a treasure, for each of us is unique and each of us has something of value to contribute to this world. In its challenge it can mean unexplained fear, but when it is in balance it is deep, gut knowledge, that knowing that we get that is also unexplained but we just “know”. We must pay attention to this “knowing” for when we do not, we always pay a price.

When you are unbalanced in the gold you may have a feeling of worthlessness, or be disconnected from your soul and your “knowing”. You may be deeply worried or fearful of something. To rebalance the gold you can do as outlined above in green. A nice gold oil is mandarin but I also love using frankincense.

 

When we mix these two colors together we get a brownish color that reminds us of our foundation, or being grounded and practical. Using these two colors in March will enhance our entire lives as the green will keep us heart centered and on track, and the gold will keep us connected to that deep knowing and to the core of our being.

Enjoy this prelude to spring and reinforce your life and your mission by using these two wonderful colors in concert with each other.

Rainbows, Leprechauns and GREEN

GREEN

Since St. Patrick’s day is associated with green, tell me what you think of when you think of that color. Is it nature? Money? Being green with envy? Green beer?

All of those associations go along with green. It is also the color of the heart, of making decisions, and of your life’s path. It is the color of balance in the chakra system being made of a warm color (yellow) and a cool color (blue), and lies midway between the first and last 3 chakras.

How will you be using green this month? In my hometown of Chicago where everyone claims to be Irish on St Patrick’s Day, the river is dyed green, and green beer is served everywhere. There are Irish jigs heard round the city and brogues are thick. I’ve never seen a “greener” celebration but perhaps you have. Send me a photo of the one in your area!

Enjoy March, the color of green, of rainbows, and of Color Therapy Month!

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